


The Intern

by Bragi151



Category: Ancient Egyptian Religion, Arthurian Mythology, Chinese Mythology, Christian Lore, Cthulhu Mythos - H. P. Lovecraft, Greek and Roman Mythology, Norse Religion & Lore, Welsh Mythology
Genre: Comedy, Demons, Dragons, Fun, Gen, Gods, Interns - Freeform, Supernatural - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-02
Updated: 2014-05-02
Packaged: 2018-01-21 16:16:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,746
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1556504
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bragi151/pseuds/Bragi151
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Working for any major group is difficult and has its own challenges. However, when you're ticket to a distinguished legal school, and an even more distinguished career, is determined by the fickle whims of the Matriarch of the Oriental Dragons and her daughter, since you're their intern and glorified Personal Assistant, Fate can be a bitch. Especially if you've already turned down Fate's job offer.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Intern

I hate waking up. It’s not that I’m not a morning person, I don’t get grumpy or anything after I wake up, I just really hate the act itself. When I try to wake up it’s like I’m stuck half way through a doorway, with my dreams on one side, attempting to tug me back into unconsciousness, and my conscious brain on the other, attempting to wrench my arm out of my socket dragging me into daylight. And then there’s that bloody door squeezing my chest the entire time, my blanket. I really love my blanket.

But, despite the fact I really love my sleep, and I really really love my blanket, I rolled out of bed and onto my feet anyway. I didn’t want to. I could already tell it was going to be a nutty day. I took a look at the schedule I was supposed to give to Lady Tian and sighed. She was going to throw a flying bitch fit, most likely aiming it at my head.

I went through my daily ablutions as quickly as possible, mostly because there’s never any time to spare, but also because my boss keeps track of how much time I spend in the shower. Lady Leung, Lady Tian’s mom, is a bit eccentric about water use, which I don’t really understand. It’s not like she has a problem with how much water she has access to. Either way, I took a quick salty shower, used some of my daily fresh water to brush my teeth, and quickly got dressed. I always feel a little buffoonish, wearing such an expensive suit and tie, but it comes with the job, and it was free, so I’m not in any position to complain.

I grabbed my security badge and made sure my pearl armlet was on underneath my shirt and jacket before I stepped outside. I was the one who had suggested to Lady Leung that she update the security system and give out badges that served the same function as the armlet, or to at least make the armlets so that they could be used the same way as any standard security badge. Unfortunately, given the bureaucracy surrounding her establishment, and the general oddity of her corporation’s staff, it would probably take until the end of summer before anything got done. Plus, Lady Leung was on vacation this week.

Which sucked balls.

Big. Hairy. Goat Balls.

I took a breath before I stepped out into the water. I felt the armlet on my bicep warm faintly and, despite the fact I was at the bottom of the Pacific Ocean, I didn’t suddenly find myself a pile of squished frozen playdoh. I shuddered at the idea of being under this much water and this far below the surface without the protective powers of the armlet. Not many of the staff here had gotten a terribly modern, or even formal, education, and they had all balked when I had attempted to explain to them the dangers of living under this much water. Granted, the last time one of them went up to the surface Christ was running around, but still.

I pulled out the calendar on my phone and started sorting out Lady Tian’s day as I walked through the Dragon Palace in order to wake her up. She never woke up on time, but since Lady Leung was on vacation with her latest boy toy (a position I adamantly refused, and will just as adamantly continue to refuse) Lady Tian was in charge. Some people in the same circumstances might ask for God to help them or save them or something along those lines. That would certainly not be my first choice, not because God isn’t a bang up entity, but rather because I have absolutely no idea what God, or any of God’s angels, would ask me to do for them after they got done helping me.

Though it should have been pitch black so deep below the surface, there was plenty of light. And it was mostly sunlight too, despite the fact that that was a complete and total contradiction of the laws of physics. I may not have been a physics major, but I understood diffraction well enough to know that no sunlight was supposed to get down to the bottom of the Pacific Ocean. Period.

“Would you mind waiting a moment?” The voice caused me to stop. It was one of the two interns who were here on an exchange program. (Another Program I had run away from full tilt. I didn’t like the idea of having _Fate_ of all things be my boss for six months.)

“Good morning, Rachel. Still haven’t gotten used to the layout of the Palace?” I asked her with a smile. Her blond hair was usually past shoulder length when she was off duties, but she put it into a bun when she was working. She was wearing her usual grey suit and pencil skirt while a gold crucifix dangled proudly over her blouse.

“I have not. I must say, though, that I much preferred working in domain of Our Lord.” Rachel said, touching her crucifix lightly before she tried to tidy the paperwork in her arms.

“Jeeze, Rach, you need to loosen up a bit. Things aren’t so bad, here.” A muscular guy said as he sauntered down the hallway, running his brown hands through his long black hair, shooting the both of us a smile while he straightened his suit.

“You, too, should exercise caution, Samuel. I am given to understand these beings are not amenable to your masters.” Rachel said, turning to gaze on Sam with a harsh stare.

“Alright, time to go to the Ministry of Funds and Monies,” I quickly intervened, not wanting the two of them to get into it again. Rachel and Samuel were both on loan to the Dragon Palace from Heaven and the Egyptian pantheon, respectively. Rachel, like me, had been serving from a very young age, and was very used to the way things worked, even if she was a bit of an evangelical.

Samuel, on the other hand, had been picked up by the Goddess Bastet after he had picked _her_ up in the DC area. He had failed to get a job in the Beltway, and had brought a stray cat home to get it out of the downpour. Unbeknownst to him, that cat had been a Goddess, who had offered him a job. Of course, the flip side to the offer was that if Sam had refused, she probably would have turned him into kitty kibble, but hey, a job was a job. At least his internship was paid.

“I still can’t get how you’ve managed to memorize this whole place’s layout. Even if I were at this job as long as you’ve been, I don’t think I’d be able to do it.” Sam said as he put his hands behind his head.

I simply shrugged, “I’ve been at it a while. And Lady Leung was really helpful, mostly, I guess, because she wants me to stay on after I get into Law School, which I’ve already told her, I’m not up for.”

Rachel nodded sagely, “Your decision shows prudence. It would be far better, both for you and your eternal soul, were you to pledge your services to the Lord Most High.”

I let out a gentle laugh, “Thanks, but I’m not really planning to stay beholden to anyone after I get into Law School. I mean, the meetings and stuff are fun and cool and all, but I really just want a normal life.”

Sam grinned lecherously, his brown eyes raking me up and down, “If I heard right from Odin’s secretary, you’re anything but _normal_.”

I jabbed him with my elbow, causing him to let out a gasp of air, shooting me a rueful grin as he clutched his side. He may be bigger than I was, but I wasn’t exactly a push over when it came to the physical stuff myself, “It’s called networking. Something of a necessity in this business. Anyway, this is your guys’ stop. I’ll see you both later!”

I walked further into the heart of the giant complex, eventually proceeding down an elaborate hallway that led to the giant brass doors that marked Lady Tian’s chamber, “Halt,” the face on the right door said, “Badge,” the door on the left. Both faces looked like stylized lions with curled manes, and both of them had a distinctly amused expression on their bronze facades.

“Good morning, boys,” I said as I showed them my badge, “anything interesting happen last night?”

They smiled simultaneously and I could feel the blood draining down from my face and into the souls of my shoes, dragging my stomach and my intestines along with it. It was never good when they actually reported something, “She tried to sneak out of the palace. She, apparently, thought you’d be fine managing everything yourself,” Mr. Right said, causing me to groan internally. “She was sneaking out to see that western dragon. From that tiny little island place. I can’t remember its name.” Mr. Left said, filling in the gaps.

“England?” I asked.

Left’s brows furrowed, “He got very angry when Right said it was England. We simply assumed it was another small island in the west.”

I buried my face in my hands. “Wales?” I asked unhappily, my voice muffled through my fingers.

Left and Right brightened, “Indeed,” they swung open, admitting me to Ze Tian’s suite, “We’ve already announced you. She asks for ‘five more minutes.’”

I rolled my eyes. If she wanted five more minutes, she shouldn’t be causing international incidents. The Heir Apparent White Dragon of England, James, was Ze Tian’s fiancé. Arthur, the Heir Apparent Red Dragon of Wales, was most decidedly _not_ Ze Tian’s fiancé, but the godly grapevine had it that he was very attractive, no matter what form he took, and had something of a bad boy image, which the girls all loved. If Ze Tian had been seeing Arthur on the sly, that would degrade relations between the Oriental Dragons and the White Dragons. It might even cause another conflict between the Dragons of the Isles.

Going back to bed seemed like a good idea.

“Ze Tian,” I called as I walked into her sleeping chambers. It was made out of ornate and elaborate coral growths and marble stonework inlaid with mother of pearl and gold were a riot around the room, with brilliantly carved lacquered furniture dotted about the room strategically.

Ze Tian sprawled in the bed in her human form, completely slothful. As a human, she looked to be around sixteen despite the fact she was at least a thousand years old, and she had the look of a classical Chinese maiden, small and soft with long black hair and delicate features. That being said, she was a mess. Her hair was all tangled and matted and she was drooling on her pillow, which was soaked slightly. All in all, despite the fact she was an attractive being, she did not paint all that attractive a picture, relatively speaking.

I fought down a surge of rage that the cause of my ire was sleeping soundly, while I was developing ulcers about very literal divine wrath. So, I pulled out my phone, snapped a few photos of her looking a mess and promptly ripped the covers away from her.

“Hey!” she shouted like the petulant teenager she looked like, “What do you think you’re doing?”

I narrowed my eyes at her, “I’m thinking that you have a meeting in,” I glanced at my watch, “fifty minutes with the Archangel Michael. I’m thinking you haven’t yet contacted an Emissary of Hell to be present at the meeting, in accordance with Treaty Law, and I’m thinking that the rest of your way too godly schedule is far too packed for you to _attempt infidelity_ this early in the morning!”

She harrumphed, lazily falling back onto the bed and snapping her fingers. A new blanket, more plush and ornate than the first, covered her, “I don’t want to deal with anything today. I’m tired. Do it for me.” She whined. A part of me knew that she was only _acting_ like some sort of spoiled brat. That part of me also reminded me, religiously (no pun intended), that she was a divinity with the power to squash me like a bug. I should, in no way, shape, and or form, attempt to blackmail said divinity, as her mother was also my ticket into a distinguished Law Program. I told the rational part of my brain to suck spume and die.

“Ze Tian, if you are not out of bed and ready within the next five minutes, I will personally ensure you do not get laid for the next century.”

She snorted and snuggled into her covers.

I tilted my head, “You know you drool in your sleep?” Her eyes snapped open and she stared at me, something like horror on her face. “It’s actually kind of funny.” I showed her the photos I’d snapped of her looking ridiculous before she’d woken up and used her happy-happy-goddess-powers to look like some sort of wet dream.

“You have five minutes.” I said before turning to walk out the door. The moment I turned I felt her slip her arm through mine. I turned to find her wearing a business suit matching mine with her hair pulled up into a pony tail decorated with an elaborate hair pin. She’d even done her makeup. She proceeded to punch me in the arm.

“I hate you,” she hissed at me as I escorted her to the main office building.

* * *

“You fucking transvestite! Do you not understand the words that are coming out of my mouth?” Lady Tian paused for a moment as Michael no doubt responded with perfect aplomb on the other side of the phone line. The office, which actually looked like a corporate complex strait out of Los Angeles and had honest real life fresh air, imported straight from the surface, shook with minor tremors as Ze Tian’s little fit undoubtedly caused a Tsunami somewhere. I sighed as I checked the global weather report. A tropical storm was starting up in the Atlantic.

I started rearranging her schedule to deal with it before the door to her office burst open and the phone flew out, “That pompous, egotistical, holier-than-thou genderless freak! Who does he think he is, dictating terms to me?”

“Well, m’lady,” I said as she proceeded to step on the phone, crushing it as she ground her heel into the number pad, “you did fail to get a party from Hell to sit shotgun at the meeting, it’s hardly his fault he can’t attend.”

She glared at me and pointed imperiously at the phone on my desk, “Fix it!”

I arched my eyebrow at her and her shoulders slumped, “Please? Mom’s going to be pissed that I screwed up the negotiations again.”

I sighed, “Fine. While I sort out the details, I want you to fix that tropical storm your little tirade caused. You also have an appointment with James in half an hour,” she groaned, “following that, there’s going to be a staff meeting you need to chair regarding water pollution in North America and ways to mitigate and fix it,” she mumbled something along the lines of “smite the mortals” which I dutifully ignored, “afterwards,” I penned something into her calendar, “you have a lunch appointment with Arthur, Heir Apparent Red Dragon of Wales.” She squealed and proceeded to drag me out of my chair and around the room, spinning and dancing.

“How’d you manage that one?” she asked with glee.

“I got to know his secretary last summer during the Treaty meeting,” I said as I extricated myself and got back to work. I sent the email I had drafted to Hell requesting a formal Emissary in order to facilitate talks with Heaven.

She waggled her eyebrows at me, “How well did you get to know them?”

“Better than you got to know Arthur,” I shot back, drafting an email for Heaven, apologizing for the inconvenience and requesting renewed negotiations.

“Touché,” she sighed, “alright, spill, what’s after the lunch with Arthur. You wouldn’t have done that just to pep me up after yelling at Michael.”

I winced and sat back down and double checked the email I had received, “The, uh, the Old Ones sent a message detailing the need for an immediate response.”

“Nope!” she immediately snag out, “Nope, nope, nope! Not doing it!”

“Ze Tian, I know you don’t like-”

She snorted, “Mother gave me very express orders for this: make you do any and all the work relating to the Old Ones. We both know I would cause some sort of inter-theological incident.”

I started panicking slightly, “But…but I’m _mortal_. I can’t just talk to the Old Ones!”

Ze Tian gave me a solemn and grave look, belied by the twinkle in her eye that doubtless came from the fact she was skipping out on a mountain of work, “You have been entrusted with this matter by the Court of the Dragons of the East. I, as Heir Apparent, do grant you the power to negotiate with the Old Ones on our behalf. “

I slumped into my chair. This couldn’t be happening to me, “Fine,” I mumbled, mostly because I knew she was right. She would cause an international incident, “After lunch you have to deal with the arrangements for the next Treaty meeting,” I raised my head enough to get another look at her schedule, “then you have a conference call with Poseidon, Njord and Osiris regarding over-fishing by human populations and methods to stabilize aquatic ecosystems,” she mumbled the word “smite” again, “At least one of them will agree with you on that count, just, please, make sure you decide to smite the fisheries subtly this time? I’m not drafting another press release for you because you smote the fisheries with purple flying hippos that shot exploding hearts out of their mouths.”

She sniffed at me and turned her head away, “Hey, _I_ never pull the same thing twice.”

* * *

I arrived at a conference room in the Palace proper a little early. The room I’d picked for the meeting was one of the more modest ones, but still grand. It was opulent but not in a showy, in your face kind of way. I figured it would appeal to both parties that way. Gabriel had emailed saying that Michael would indeed be showing up at the appointed time, and Mephisto had simply said that a representative would be at the Palace presently.

I don’t necessarily dislike working with Angels and Demons, but they’re constantly trying to get people to take sides, which can be tiresome. I hoped this meeting would be different. As I saw who Hell had sent as its representative, however, I kicked my hope into the grave I had already dug for it, and quickly covered it over with soil.

“Hello, Lucifer,” I said in Latin, using classical pronunciation, so it sounded like Lukeifer. While I was familiar with Lucifer from the last Treaty meeting, I was somewhat surprised when the Prince of Darkness turned out to be a Princess. She was a classical blonde with long hair that fell to her waist, and wore a black toga with a silver belt that accentuated her blue eyes and blonde hair alike. It also hugged all of the right places ( **down** boy). This meeting was not going to go well at all.

Lucifer gave me a winning smile that could have charmed the pants off of most any warm blooded male she came across. I promptly pinched myself, “I do enjoy it when people use the Roman tongue in its Classical form,” Lucifer said, her voice flowing like velvet, and responding in the same language. I stared very hard at her eyebrow as she got up from one of the lacquer chairs and glided over to shake my hand. I started internally reciting the Treaty in every language I knew.

“I do my best,” I finally croaked out, “May I ask why you’re a woman?”

Lucifer just smiled, “I decided to personify the newest plague on the world,” she said as I pulled her chair back out for her.

I arched my eyebrow at her as she sat, “Feminism,” she said with a smirk and a wink.

I started laughing, but turned it into a cough. I liked women as much as the next guy, and I was a firm supporter of equal opportunity, but damn if the Prince ** _ss_** of Hell making feminism jokes wasn’t funny. Of course, Michael chose that point to walk into the room.

He had decided to attend the meeting in the form of a young man, just as Lucifer had chosen a young woman. If I hadn’t seen him at the last Treaty meeting, I wouldn’t have known why Ze Tian had called him a transvestite. He had a sleeveless white toga belted with a ribbon of gold, matching Lucifer, but his clothes revealed muscular arms and a toned torso as opposed to hugging sweet feminine curves. There was even a bit of his six pack showing out of the side of the toga ( ** _down_** boy). He, too, had blonde hair and blue eyes, though his hair was shaped in a crew cut. Both Lucifer and Michael had a sort of ethereal beauty to them, something that went beyond mere looks and sexual attraction. Both had a vital spark of life, of pure unadulterated soul, that was inherently attractive to most any living being. I again ordered my baser instincts to shut up.

“Michael, finally got tired of the gender neutral prepubescent?” Lucifer said sweetly, her blue eyes crackling with energy.

Michael’s eyes narrowed and he turned to me wordlessly. Attempting to ignore the fact that Michael looked just as deliciously attractive as Lucifer, I took a deep breath and cleared my mind before answering, “As you are well aware, Prince of Angels, Hell is allowed to send a representative of power equal to that of the representative of Heaven. While I myself was not informed that Lucifer him, er, herself would be in attendance, it holds with the Treaty per Section–”

Michael cut me off before I could site paragraph and line, “That will be quite enough. While I appreciate working with a temperament more moderate than that of Lady Tian, and while I object to the Fallen One’s presence at these talks, I see that the Treaty is yet satisfied.” Michael’s voice was deep but warm and soothing, despite the no nonsense tone he sported.

“So good of you to be reasonable for a change, Micky,” Lucifer drawled.

I turned to Lucifer, “My Lor…Lady Lucifer, as is required by the Treaty I must request that you keep your comments professional and non-antagonistic.”

Lucifer sighed, but subsided as I pulled out the chair for Michael. I quietly reminded myself that they were both very very dangerous beings and I had to tread carefully and ignore my stupid fucking hormones or else I would very likely not have my soul by the end of the meeting. Angels may seem nicer than demons, but they still want your soul.

 “Now then, we are here to discuss Heaven’s request to use Dragonwaters to purify…” I opened the folder in front of me and started looking over the pertinent paperwork, “three sites: Saint Peter’s Cathedral, the Church of the Nativity and…” I blinked, “this last one must be a joke.”

“I assure you,” Michael said in dulcet tones, “it is not.”

“I can see why Lady Tian was piqued at you,” I muttered, “You want to use Dragonwater to purify Las Vegas?”

Lucifer snorted, “Just so you know, I’m vetoing that. You want to purify an overblown church and a pedantic cradle? Fine. But Las Vegas is mine, and I have no intention of letting a deluge of holy water, oriental or otherwise, near it.”

Michael frowned, his voice deepening to a threatening bass, “You have no voice at these negotiations, Lucifer. You are only here to observe, in accordance with the Treaty.”

Lucifer’s eyes crackled again and Michael started giving off a burnished golden aura. The last time these two had gone at it had been at the last Treaty meeting, at which point they had decided to blow up a significant portion of Odin’s Hall. Odin had been none too pleased at them for it, and I couldn’t imagine the Matriarch of the Oriental Dragons, the Dragon Queen, and my boss, Lady Leung, letting me off lightly if I allowed this to escalate. I quietly tapped a character on my security badge and the conference room was flooded with the Pacific Ocean. Other than messing up their otherworldly good looks, or at least attempting to ( ** _down_** , heavens damn it), the Dragonwater also impeded their ability to smite things, which made me breathe a silent sigh of relief.

And gave me the opportunity to adjust my pants.

Lucifer and Michael turned to stare at me, “First of all, calm yourselves, you are in the Domain of the Oriental Dragons and they don’t take kindly to chunks of their palace being blown to kingdom come. Second of all, Lucifer’s objection is valid, according to Tome Fifty Six, Section Five, Paragraph Three, Line One Hundred and Twenty One of the Treaty, however, that objection does not carry inherent veto power, simply the ability to take the matter to a neutral tribunal per Tome Fifty Six, Section-”

“Shut Up!” Lucifer bemoaned, stopping what we all knew would be an almost endless litany of citations.

I arched an eyebrow at her, “Now, I see no reason to hold off on the use of Dragonwater in the case of locations one and two mentioned in the proposal. I will fill out the paperwork for Lady Lucifer’s objection to location three and fax it to the both of you along with a list of potential tribunal candidates. Please send your top five choices back to me within five business days so I can decide. Now, what is Heaven willing to barter for the use of Dragonwater?”

Michael gazed at me steadily, “Mortal, have you yet found it within yourself to cast off these Heathens and join the Kingdom of God?”

I resisted the incredibly strong urge to smash my head into the table. I did give in to the urge to facepalm. This was going to be a long meeting.

* * *

An hour or so later, after more than enough bickering, negotiating and no-my-soul-is-not-for-sale-ing, we were finished. I trudged back to my desk, feeling a little bit chilly. I wanted my blanket. I wanted my bed. I wanted _sleep_.

“Tired?” Ze Tian asked as I slumped into my desk chair and pulled out a snack.

“Fucking A, Tian, you owe me for that one.”

Ze Tian simply smiled, “Don’t forget, you also need to call the Old Ones.” I groaned at the thought.

I checked the time, “Go, you’re going to be late for your not-date with your not-fiancé that I did not arrange and have absolutely no knowledge about.”

She gave me a chaste kiss on the top of my head before zipping off to go see Prince Arthur. I sighed as I watched her skip towards someone she would likely never get to be with beyond quick stolen moments and brief insubstantial mortal interventions. I suppose mortals aren’t the only ones who have it tough.

* * *

Thankfully enough, meetings with the Old Ones can only be managed by teleconference. Which is fine by me. I have no desire to have my mind baked by the glory of any being that can munch on a planet or seed it with life at whim. The safety represented by the phone line, however, did not stop my hands from shaking as I dialed their number.

The phone stopped ringing and I heard a click signaling someone had picked up, followed by silence. That wasn’t creepy at all. There was a vague tingling at the edge of my senses, a whisper of music for my ears, shadows dancing out of sight for my eyes, a taste that stays just out of range for my tongue, a too faint whiff of something ancient and new for my nose, and a gentle insubstantial caress just at the edge of my skin. I coughed slightly before speaking, “Hello, I’m calling on behalf of the Court of Oriental Dragons, could I please-”

I was interrupted by something along the lines of “Mrglurglhwrlgh.”

 _Serve me_. A little voice whispered in the corner of my head. I frowned. The whispering quieted again into almost intangible but omnipresent sound.

“No. No I do not want to-”

Again, more gurgling noises.

 _Serve me._ The voices whispered again, echoing in my head like wind whistling through a cave. My head started to hurt, which is never a good sign, and the room started to spin. I traced out an old warding spell to keep my mind clear, and my thoughts focused.

“No,” I tried to say clearly, “I…I don’t…could I...”

More gurgling noises. _You wish to serve me. You wish to serve us. You wish to turn against your masters. You know they will betray you, you know they will harm you. Betray them first. Serve us._

I could feel myself blacking out, the only thoughts in my head the little whisperings of an Old One. However, right on the edge of what would likely be insanity I heard a very sharp, but decidedly matronly, voice on the other end of the line saying, “Cthulhu! Stop that this instant! We didn’t call so we could enslave the poor boy!” As my head cleared, I heard more gurgling, but no whispers. Was it just me, or did the gurgling sound faintly chagrined? Can gurgling sound chagrined?

“We told you no poaching! The poor mortals likely get that enough from God and Lucifer, there’s no need for you to add to it.”

The gurgling definitely sounded bitter that time.

“Oh, I’ve had enough of your whining! Go destroy some planet or civilization or god or something, I’ll deal with the call.”

I snapped out of whatever funk I was in to find myself shivering and cold clutching the phone to my ear, my suit drenched in sweat. I could have really used a blanket at that point.

“Hello, this is Gaea speaking, how may I help you?” the matronly voice – or was it voices? – resounded through the speaker and into my skull and through my bones. I really didn’t want to think of what would have happened to me had we been standing in the same room.

“Um. Yes. I’m representing the Oriental Dragons. You left us a message saying we needed to contact you immediately for undisclosed reasons?” I tried to get my bearings as I picked myself off of the floor and started walking around my office. I tend to walk a lot when I’m nervous or talking with people over the phone for long periods.

“Oh, but you’re a mortal? I was expecting a call, but we’d just assumed someone or another had gotten their hands on one of those forbidden texts and had decided to try using it. Mortal interns so rarely deal with matters like this. You’ll have to forgive Cthulhu, though; he won the rock, paper tentacles game with the Queen Mother of the West to see who would start picking out mortal servants this cycle. He was so excited he managed to get a call from such a capable human right off the bat he got a little jumpy. I came right over when I realized that the call was from the Oriental Dragons.”

I shook my head a little. I had a feeling that if I hadn’t been wearing a banglet, sketched out a ward, and been in the heart of another Domain, I would most likely be a drooling idiotic mass of flesh, or I would be an insane megalomaniacal freak bent on world domination/destruction. One or the other. “Um, yes,” I tried to pick up my train of thought, “the message?”

“Oh that,” Gaea said offhandedly, “yes, we just wanted to say that we would be more than happy to officiate at the wedding.”

“Wedding? What wedding?”

“Oh, the wedding of Ze Tian and that James fellow. I know she’s seeing Arthur on the sly at the moment, and if they want to elope, I suppose I could do that for them too, but I’m not sure that would be such a wise idea in the long run. I’ve already started planning both weddings, but I could certainly use the help in making sure everything runs smoothly, would you mind going over it with me?” Listening to Gaea’s voice calmed me down. It was like all the stress I’d built up that day were just sinking slowly away from me, pulled into the earth by that soft voice. I stopped walking and noticed that I’d sunk up to my calves into the earth.

“Um…are you doing that?”

“Oh, oops,” Gaea said, her voice bright and clear and totally guileless as I pulled myself free, “I’m sorry. There’s always a little feedback when we use phones. I didn’t expect anything like _that_ though.”

“It’s perfectly alright,” I said, meaning it despite the fact I had a feeling I shouldn’t mean it, “Now then, what precisely about the wedding plans would you like to go over?”

* * *

By the time I’d finished up with Gaea (I’d gotten the number to her cell so I wouldn’t accidentally run into Cthulhu again) and sorted out most of the wedding details, finished up with the paperwork for the Dragonwater issue with Michael and Lucifer, and informed Ze Tian about her wedding arrangements, it was finally time for bed.

I showered in salt water, and brushed my teeth with fresh. I set my alarm and closed my drapes and prepared for a night of peaceful, restful dreams. I rested my head on my pillow, pulled my beloved blanket as tight as I could, and closed my eyes, breathing out a sigh of relief.

My phone rang.

It was Lady Leung’s ringtone.


End file.
